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When the Hurt and the Healer Collide

I feel that I would be extremely remiss if I did not share this part of my story, since if it were not for this experience, none of this would be happening…

The week prior to Nicholas being diagnosed, I was getting ready to attend a women’s conference at my church. I was so excited to experience a very meaningful day, filled with inspirational speakers, testimonies, and worship music. I had been praying fervently for God to reveal His heart to me, and give me something “NEW” to rest my thoughts upon. I could feel myself drawing closer to Him, as I prayed for many different things. Well, isn’t that when the enemy wants to attack us the most? The women’s conference was on a Saturday, and our doctor’s appointment was the Wednesday before. Sure enough, that Wednesday was the day I was told Nicholas had plagiocephaly.

As moms, what do we do when there is something “wrong” with our kids? I think it’s safe to say that most of us will beat ourselves up over it. And, that is just what I started doing. I began thinking of all the different things I should have done to prevent it. I should have held him more. I should have given him more tummy time. I should have known about this condition, and tried everything in my power to prevent it. Even though our pediatrician tried to reassure me that there was nothing I had done to cause this, I still felt extremely responsible for the fact that my child had something wrong with him. I couldn’t really even talk about it without bursting into tears. That is exactly what Satan wanted me to do. He knows my weaknesses, and just how to trigger old wounds, while creating new ones. Now, often times he is able to get the best of me, and I have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and remind myself to trust in God. However, this time was different. He didn’t get very far with me this time. Even though I was feeling sorry for myself, and for my son, I had been praying to my Heavenly Father for guidance and wisdom, and I truly believe that He had clothed me in His coat of righteousness to protect me from what the enemy was trying to do.

So, Saturday rolled around, and I attended the NEW Women’s Conference. I went into the conference excited for the day, yet still carrying a heavy heart with me. However, what happened during the conference changed the course of my life forever. I had been praying for God to give me a word, and boy did He! During the last worship song of the day, tears just began rolling down my face. God was faithful! He was giving me a word….”Nothing can separate you from Me”, “Nothing can separate you from Me”. Over and over in my mind, these were the words He was saying to me! He was telling me that He would be with me on this journey. He was going to go before me, and would be holding my hand all the way. It was during that moment that I knew everything was going to be okay, because I trust Him with all of my heart. I surrendered my burdens to Him, and He restored my outlook on my situation. I knew that I had two choices…I could either sit in my sadness feeling sorry for myself with the “poor me” mentality, OR I could own my situation and do something about it! Guess which one I chose. 🙂

God took all that was hurting in my heart at that moment, and healed me so that I could make a difference in the lives of others. He lit a fire inside of me that has not, and will not, be extinguished. I am on a mission, and it is all for His Glory.

Nothing formed against me shall stand. He is good and faithful all of the time!